


I love him, does he love me too?

by atiisawriter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabble, M/M, cas centric, cas is emo, could be fluff, could be light angst, depends on you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 17:49:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9560216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atiisawriter/pseuds/atiisawriter
Summary: His soul could illuminate the earth and heaven all at once, it could break this universe apart and put its pieces back together. It is pure, it is strong.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first destiel, please don't be so harsh on me T-T i listened to this song while writing this, it was inspiring af https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dqMyh4ILIg

I fell.

I rebelled against heaven.

I went against my father's words.

I killed my brothers.

I sacrificed everything I had.

I did it all for him. 

I know that it sounds ridiculous: an angel of the lord in love with a human, like in fairy tales or those cheesy and very bad love stories. How can a powerful, pure being with so much knowledge and wisdom, fall in love with a mere human, that is everything impure and ugly? 

I thought that too, and always wondered, as I observed humanity from above, how can my brothers and sisters risk their lives for humans? I never understood what was so amazing about these little insignificant creatures, that even my father preferred over us, his loyal soldiers.

Although when Dean became my charge, I gradually started to understand, to doubt, to be confused, to be something I had never thought I'd become. A human.

I realized that even if angels were perfect in every way, they lacked something essential, they were deprived of what made life worth living: emotions.

Though, not all humans are interesting, some are dull and boring, others are evil in every sense of the word, but they all experience the same feelings and struggles. Oddly enough, despite the similarity that groups them all together, Dean is vastly different from anything I've ever laid my eyes on in my whole ten thousand years of existence.

His soul could illuminate the earth and heaven all at once, it could break this universe apart and put its pieces back together. It is pure, it is strong. 

Uriel warned me, in fact, everyone did. They said that if I get too close I will only get hurt, but I didn't listen. He pulled me in with every look he sent toward me, with every smile that decorated his lips, and every tear that escaped his eyes. I found myself somewhere unknown, a place where I wanted to stay but also leave, a place where I was happy and sad, excited and scared, strong and weak all at the same time, a place where everything was contradictory. 

I tried to run away, to avoid him, to go back to my old home, but my home rejected me because it wasn't anymore, and then I realized that he is my only home, and I will always go back to him.

When I first met him, I told him "You don't think you deserve to be saved?" Back then, I believed that everyone deserved second chances. I didn't know what guilt was, how it was to let someone you care about down, how shame felt like and I had no idea what self-hatred was. But when I experienced all of these, I finally understood the burden upon his shoulders. And I, too, didn't want to be saved, and thought I deserved to rot in purgatory forever. 

I was drowning in self-hatred and guilt, the tears were always on the edges of my eyes ready to fall. Wherever I went, the consequences of my mistakes were scattered in every street, in every corner. Earth and heaven became a reflection of my idiocy and ego. But regardless of that, he never gave up on me, he forgave my mistakes, he called me his friend, his family. Me; the angel that was expelled from heaven, the angel that claimed to be a God, an angel that no longer was one.

It's been ten years since this roller coaster of emotions had begun. Usually, ten years is nothing but a blink of an eye to an angel, but it felt way longer than that. Everyday I prayed, I hoped that these feelings would disappear, but they never did. I loved him for a whole ten years, and then thirty years, and five hundred years, but at last, I lost count.

I loved him for the eternity.


End file.
